Having Part of You
by sakurazukamori
Summary: A short vignette based on 'Having Part of You' by VAST. It focuses on Lucius and Narcissa's first day as a married couple and the inevitable problems of marrying a Death Eater.


_Disclaimer:__ Characters owned by J.K. Rowling, lyrics are from 'Having Part Of You' by VAST. I heard this song and this songfic came into being. It ties in with my 'Back to Black' fanfic._

**.:Having Part Of You:.**

It was supposed to be the happiest morning of her life, her first day as Narcissa Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy's happy wife. The wedding had been so sudden; he had just waltzed back into her life and claimed her as his own. However, he wasn't the same man she had fallen in love with at Hogwarts, Lucius had come back to her as a stranger. Narcissa turned over in their honeymoon bed, her cerulean eyes drinking in the sleeping contours of his face.

_You come into my sunrise  
Just to sleep all day  
You laugh when we are kissing  
You laugh when I'm afraid  
You're angry when I'm sweet  
You're angry over nothing  
And I'm trying to believe...  
Trying to believe..._

Narcissa had told him how much she thought he had changed, yet, deep down, she tried to believe that there was still a part of him that _loved_ her.

"Your loyalty and love towards the Dark Lord must hold no bounds," she had said to him the day he proposed. "This I know and understand, yet... what of your loyalty and love for me?"

He had looked at her so solemnly with those cold, grey eyes – his silence said more than any words could.

"I was foolish to think such nonsense," she had said finally, unable to bear his silence any longer. The tips of her fingers placed over his mouth. "I thought you loved me once, I see that thought was misplaced."

"Make no mistake, Narcissa," he had replied, "the Dark Lord indeed has my loyalty, but you? Your place will be at my side as my wife and as the mother of my heir; know this and be satisfied."

_But having part of you  
Will fill the whole of me  
Let me lose myself  
In the emptiness you bring  
Getting half of you...it feels like everything_

"It is enough," she had lied, her hand curled against his chest, tears pricking her eyes. "It will always be enough."

Last night he had made love to her, but he had not given himself over completely. Lucius had looked through her not at her – he had only given the part of himself that was expendable, the part that was not pledged and allied to the Dark Lord. They had sworn themselves to one another, had come together in the most intimate of experiences, but they were so far apart… so far apart yet so close that Narcissa could have reached out to stroke his face, but something stayed her hand.

_Spinning in your circle  
Cowering in the dark  
When I touch your shoulder  
You always move away_

Narcissa had to keep telling herself that it was enough for fear that the heartache she felt would spill over into her marriage. Merlin, could he not see the light in her eyes every time he walked in the room? Could he not see that she was in love with him? That every waking second was devoted to him? Her dainty fingers caressed the cool bedsheets, creeping closer to her husband's sleeping frame before retreating back, defeated.

_Having part of you  
Will fill the whole of me  
I always lose myself  
In the emptiness you bring  
Getting half of you… it feels like everything_

"Do you even see me?" she mouthed, her lips forming the words perfectly, but they were given no breath, no sound.

She had tried so hard to convince herself she was indifferent to him. Throughout her years at Hogwarts Narcissa would make him chase her, flirt with other boys to make him jealous… boys like Evan Rosier. Yet it had always been about Lucius Malfoy, it _would_always be about Lucius Malfoy, although he would never know. He would never know how many times the icy barricades had melted away for a few moments to allow for a spring of warm tears to course their way down pallid cheeks. He would never know…

Narcissa allowed herself one last look at her new husband, her old love, before turning over and away from him. Her movement caused Lucius's eyes to flicker open, his waking moments were met with the sight of his wife's slight frame and golden hair splayed across the pillow. It could not have been much past dawn; the two of them were still wrapped in the dark blanket of night with only the slightest glimmer of light threatening on the horizon. A lazy, indulgent smile crossed Lucius's lips as he effortlessly closed the gap between them, resting his hand on the curvature of his wife's waist.

_It feels like everything  
_

Narcissa's eyes opened as she felt his touch, a cascade of soundless tears trickling down a flawless canvas on to the damp pillow below.

_It feels like everything_

-Fin-


End file.
